I'm a Dreamer in My Dreams

I sit here, watching GhostRider with my brother (this movie is the worst), and I wonder why I can't live in my dreams instead of here.

Things don't always go well in dreams, but at least a world of things can alter in a split second in a dream. In the real world, you have to wait for things to happen, or make them happen and suffer through the pain, heartache, etc until you get the that place. A specific characteristic of dreams that I find interesting in myself is that if I become aware that it is a dream, and try to extend it or make it last longer or control the events within it, I inevitably wake up. Without fail. Just another product of the destruction my desire to control creates. I always dream about people that are in my life currently; they make comments and say things that relate to what I might hear them say in reality, but the location is always set in the town I spent my childhood in. It weirds me out to dream this way because I can still see the streets, people, and places, and they seem so real I wake up unsure if the dream actually happened or not. I moved away from that town almost 8 years ago-- I was just a child. This seems significant because, I don't remember actual events or things I really experienced in this town as a child. My mom will start in with her "oh you remember that time.." conversation and usually I nod and smile, but I honestly don't remember most of what she says. Okay, who cares I was a child right? My brother remembers things like this, why don't I? I know I hated living in that place, and relished in the chance to move. I've never looked back until college, when I began meeting the people I grew up with in school. Buuut I digress. Point is-- I'll be having oral surgery this weekend and hope and pray that the medication will take me to that dream world for a while without my foolish interference.



Today my friend G (the one with the Lincoln etching), she informed me that sugar ants were in her keyboard. In my laptop this morning, there were also sugar ants crawling around in my keyboard. The coincidence made us laugh. I don't want to forget how the stupid little things made us feel closer even though we're living far away. Someday, we'll be old women that can laugh and do the same idiot shit we've done today--only we'll know how to handle the after