We've Heard It All Before, And EVERYBODY Knows.

I guess...

I absolutely love this RAC mix of John Legend's Everybody Knows. If one artist consistently sings like he's singing because he loves music, like it's flowing from his heart, that artist is John Legend.





John Legend- Everybody Knows (RAC Mix)

I consider myself to be a decently confident person when it counts. Most of the time. Usually. I'm confident in the things that I know I'm good at-- confident almost to a fault. But in other areas in my life, I'm not always so sure about myself. It's something I'm trying to let go of. I think the need for Ego boosts, encouragement and reassurance can be healthy, not all the time, but sometimes. The expression of those things can be through actions and if it's important, words. It really reassures a human being of -'Hey, I do something that makes a difference'. Maybe you don't change the world, or save one, but maybe you make a difference for one person, two people--whatever. It's validation.


It's kin to that whole idea that if you simply acknowledge someone you pass in the hallway at work or on the streets, you could really make a day. It's the thing advertisers want to elicit through advertising-- that warm feeling that maybe the world isn't such a cold doomed place after all, and that you as the consumer have a position in it. The ideal feeling. It's the kind of feeling when you walk outside during Christmas time-- the warm smell, the cold air, people bundled up and with those they love.

Can you think back and remember moments of complete peace and bliss in your life? Because not having a job or a place to live or being angry with your current situation can best be healed in one of two ways: thinking about those wonderful times in the past or getting up and making new memories create that sentiment. I like both.

I slide off into advertisements I see lately. Hasbro and Mattel with ads about reconnecting with your family in tough financial times and playing games; having a Family Game Night and even food commercials that feature families spending more time together. What is it about situations like this that bring everyone back down to earth and simplicity? Especially in the past decade when money is ever important?

At Tech, we used to have game nights, they were some of the best nights. I remember specifically the Winter two years ago-- the time it snowed from Friday afternoon to Sunday night every weekend for like four weeks. Weekends stuck in the dorms, when we were forced to entertain ourselves with everything from video games, board games, to snowballs. We weren't happy to be stuck inside with no way to go anywhere, but we had FUN.



I've just remembered how last year, an external hard drive containing photos documenting all of these things, crashed. And the full fledged photographer in me sheds a serious tear. Someday I will have gathered the exorbitant amount of money needed to recover these files.

Anyway. I'm off to CS this weekend to enjoy the company of friends.
And in final news: This weekend is the Tech vs UT game... the daunting day approacheth...



He's ready, are you?

The Rocket's Red Glare

whew, back from 4th of July vacation.

I just went home to be with my family. It was great.
We had a fish fry on Friday and 4th activities on Saturday.

I got a lot of good shots, I'll try and post some tomorrow.

I came back Monday night and was supposed to go to bed early because Summer 2 classes started the next day, buuuuuut an opportunity opened up and ended up getting really drunk with some friends. haha. whoops. But I didn't miss class or anything :D

I've been trying to make a long update, but I've been busy. SOON!

Gotta Keep Movin'

This weekend I went on a road-trip with my college friends to Ruidoso and White Sands, New Mexico.

There are some beautiful places here in the United States, even on this side of the map. I love the mountains. I love everything about them. Nothing can compare to the fresh air and natural atmosphere. 5 people from our usual gang made the journey, and we camped outside and explored and hiked and cooked s'mores.

I think that everyone had a good time and can't complain about how it all turned out.

Here are a few pictures from the adventure:






On the Road

White Sands


Before

After


I love that these people are my friends. The group just fits now. I used to write often about how sometimes I felt like it was missing something, and it is-- but I realize that those things come with time and you can't dwell on that.

I hope for something epic next, like Colorado. We'll see.

On the way to New Mexico, there were just two of us to start. We played MASH to make the time pass. You know the game you played as kids where you map out your future based on chance? Great game. 5 hour trip. It's too bad we bitched and bickered like an old couple once we got there because it was getting dark and he's a man who only needs matches to camp and I'm a woman who thinks logically about necessary items such as a flashlight, or a cooler. We did eventually calm down and just talked in the dark tent while we waited. But that included him asking me why everyone thinks he's so judgmental. If the others hadn't gotten there, I am pretty sure one of us would have killed the other. Regardless, it was funny in retrospect.

ALSO. 2 weeks ago I went to atx for the Austin City Limits Music Festival (ACL). It was amazing. I fell in love with a few new bands, saw a ton of hippies and re-enforced my love for bands I liked pre-festival. Pictures are the best way to show this one--

I bleed red and black

I downloaded some new musicz last night-- stuff by Phoenix and Metric and Magnet. Apparently abstract, one word band names are in huh? It's kind of like that phase with bands starting with 'The', ie. the killers, the strokes etc. I know there are a ton more I just don't feel like thinking about them.

I am fresh back from my trip to College Station. I usually tell people that mention the place what a shitty town it is, mostly out of divine school spirit or whatever. This visit though, I realized the little town isn't so bad, but yeah it still sucks. Just because 3 of my best friends in high school were on drugs the day they chose to be Aggies doesn't mean I'm going to ever have anything but derogatory statements toward the school, it's creed and it's location. So I'm a bitch--go ahead and judge me :-)

Why is this? I found that my toleration for stupid or ignorant individuals is dwindling as I get older. In public school, you put up with idiots because you had to see them everyday and sometimes they taught your class. But listen! You have a choice! You don't have to sit through one more lousy conversation or explanation! It's gotten to the point where if I don't like you, or I think you're stupid-- I walk away. Chances are I'll meet an even bigger idiot up the road within minutes. Now some might say-- "Oh a&m just has a lot of school spirit, the idea that they are stupid is just a stereotype." Be that as it may, there are usually causes for the creation of stereotypes. My example for today is this. Whataburger. fabulous hamburger chain. It usually looks like this:

(If you're not from Texas or you don't know, there is a bitter rivalry between The University of Texas Longhorns and the Texas A&M University Aggies. Much like the North and South in the days of civil war. Okay..so maybe nothing like that but you get the picture. UTs colors are burnt orange and white--much like the Whataburger franchises' traditional decor for each location.) DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE people at a&m did to their Whataburger? They painted the front orange stripe maroon!!!! Not the whole building, just. one. stripe. So in a feeble attempt to out spirit UT, a&m successfully depicted their penis envy. 4 orange stripes next to a solitary maroon stripe. Good idea guys. Normal people might think this way: If you're not going to paint the whole building (which they probably couldn't because it's someone else's business), then don't paint it at all. You just come off looking like a douche. I tried to google an image of this hilarious Whataburger, but no dice. I'll be kicking myself for a while for not snapping a shot of it. We could blow it up and use it as a dart board in lbk.

Anyway. Contrary to the length of this entry, this was not the highlight of my weekend. I met all of M, G, and K's friends from school and enjoyed the big 4 day party. Everyone knows what happens at parties so I won't go into it--but I will post an image and let you imagine something good. haha I'm not in this so I don't feel bad about posting it. Shhh.

With My Eyes Closed

I go easily from writing in this thing every day to once a week. I reconnected with some people recently and talking to them during the day at work is keeping me busy.
So my girlfriends and I did two major things this week. We all died some part of our hair fuscia,(I'll post a pic later) and we created a blog for the four of us where we can post memories of time we've spent together, things we're thinking about, and just anything we find beautiful to share with the others. This should be good.

My mom hates my hair, and I can't say that I'm in love with it. I tend to be a hair care perfectionist (if such a title exists). I love my healthy hair, I love that I've never done a full dye job. I did the pink only on the bottom layer and it seems to go over well with others, but it's just not 'Clean Classic Em'. You only live once right? and hair grows back and fades.

I spent a lot of time with G this weekend, mostly just doing the same thing we always do. M and I are going to college station for a big party K is throwing for G's birthday. This will definitely be my 'Go Nuts' weekend before school starts back up. I probably won't be sober ever. It's odd to say that because one might think the opposite would occur in a growing college student's life--good at home/bad at school. The people I devote my time to at Tech just aren't into that kind of fun and I think I like that. They are all about pure energetic active fun. But I also love that with the girls I feel up for any and everything that's presented to me; it's wild in a different way.

Speaking of school! Two weeks from today I'll be in my new apt :)

That's Right!

Do you ever feel like you're walking through a situation "It's a Wonderful Life" style? You know, you're there, you sense everything around you and you know everyone and everything that is happening but no one knows your there, like you don't exist at all?

My friend A drove from Keller to visit me yesterday. She said she really needed to get away and see a friendly face. Believe me I welcome those visits as much as the visitor. We just drove around and talked and caught up, both ecstatic to be living together in the fall.

There is a country song I heard in the car with B while I was in Lbk, something about 'you find out who your friends are'--- oh okay I googled it. Tracy Lawrence- Find Out Who Your Friends Are. Upon hearing this song I commented on how true the lyrics of the song were.

You find out who your friends are

Somebody's gonna drop everything

Run out and crank up their car

Hit the gas, get there fast

Never stop to think "What's in it for me?"

Or "It's way too far"

They just show on upWith their big ol' heart

You find out who your friends are...

Now the country music scene and I have an odd relationship. I think there is a time and place for the genre, and that's during the Summer in Texas. Most of the music just seems so chill and summery. I don't mean pop country. That stuff is shit. I mean real country, driving down a dirt road to the lake with your friends music. I digress. Anyway. B then refers me to another country song called Songs about me by Trace Adkins. In a nutshell it talks about how country music is good because it sings songs about you. whatever.

Point is-- the Tracy Lawrence song is so true. Unsure of who your real friends are? You can figure it out easily. Who calls you without reason, who comes to visit you because they need your company, who will drop whatever they are doing to help you out if you're in trouble. I think deep down we all know who our real friends are. We may not always approve or may think we're looking for something better, but the truth is we've got the best and we don't even realize it.

There are only about 7 people I trust in this capacity, outside of family which isn't my focus here. The people you have to initiate contact with EVERY SINGLE TIME to get any kind of communication going are not your real friends, and if they are- some serious growth is necessary. Just what I think right now.

Wow I really played up the country music today. So in an attempt to make amends, I suggest you listen to Ratatat. The band is phenomenal.

Watching the World Spin

Are your relationships and experiences the most important thing in life?



21 years is a quarter of my life gone by. It seems so long, and yet so short at the same time. Thinking about being 40 seems far away, and remembering the past few years seems so recent. I realize it's merely because I don't know what the next 20 years holds and I'm at this very moment utilizing things I've learned from the past 20.
Last night a guy I used to date and I were talking about Summer the way it used to be. Dangerous ground to touch on with us, because it was during a Summer that we got together. It got me thinking about how I think Summer should be.

As a child, summer was anticipated because it meant no school and plenty of swimming
But inevitably everyone would be bored and ready for school to start after 3 weeks of summer because sitting at home watching t.v. all day is never a child's idea of excitement.

I was trying to think of when this would change for me, and it was--of course- when we all started driving. Summer morphed into a time of constant lounging with friends, movies, the mall--and any and every trouble that we could get in and out of.

Any memorable high school summer memory for me usually includes about 10 of the same old regular kids getting together. One of the guys, B, had the perfect house for gatherings, because it included a movie room, a game room, a pool, and a mother who cooked for everyone all the time. A typical night usually included everyone meeting up at his house and swimming, playing poker, and eating. The night would end with all of us laying upstairs in the movie room talking and laughing. The sad thing about all of those memories is that soon after 'the group' graduated, this guy's parents split up, sold the house we pretty much grew up in, and made things awkward for everyone. I say awkward because the entire group found out they were splitting up at a New Years Eve party our last year there. wow.
Then senior year a select number of the group including myself wanted to branch out and try anything and everything that would get us out of that popular group where everyone is involved in every high school activity possible but it works because they were all friends anyway. See I went to an honors high school. You were a loser if you weren't involved. So you take 2 honors society officers, one drum major, the school mascots, the rebellious sister of the previously mentioned B, and some guys, and the rebellion begins. You name it we tried it. Even a few run ins with the cops. That last summer was like THE last summer. Everyone was still together, we had reached the end of a huge step in life, and we didn't care what anyone thought.


Anyone that tells you that ages 16-18 were the worst time in their life--I really have to disagree. Go back, never. But the experience is necessary.

Summers these past few years have been transitional ones. We're trying to grow up, or we're being forced to pretend we are at least. The first summer after high school was rough for the entire group. Three friends were killed in a horrible car accident, and one was murdered by his father. Death wasn't something we were used to experiencing, discounting the elderly. For most of us, it was a summer of trying hard to live dangerously because we had come face to face with mortality. I think we all spent more time blazed that year as an anti-depressant rather than as a social party time. I have to talk about this as if it were longer ago than 2 or 3 years because it's still influencing me and people I am close to.

Now? We all work somewhere, we're all living in scattered areas, and we all miss the way things were, but we're equally excited for what's to come. Seeing each other the few times that we can seems to make those meetings more important. The girls and I discussed how different we knew this summer apart would be, working through the week and anticipating the next weekend we could get together and feel at home again. Now it's less partying and large groups and more just us--laying in a park, laughing in a car in our old high school parking lot until the cops come and make us leave, or just chilling at a jazz concert. The college atmosphere opens many other doors for summer activity as well. Seeing each other is becoming less of a summer thing and more of a anytime we see each other thing.
Soon summers will be nothing more than hot weather, and two week vacations. It's funny that all through school we hope wait and wish for time to pass and once it has we look back and think "Damn, why did I rush that?" But I am excited for what future summers hold.


wow so much writing here!
21 years is a quarter of a lifetime...

Selling of a loose knit dream

A good weekend with good friends leaves Em a happy girl!

It was a good weekend. A chance to relax for two days and forget about work.
Shopping, Good Conversation, Good Laughs, Drive-Ins, Movies, Dinners, swimming, running, catching, knitting, playing, driving, resting-- ALL FANTASTIC
I haven't laughed that hard all summer.
Being here and sort of socially cut off from even my best friends has been unique but difficult.
6 more weeks and I can go back for good.
It was what I needed to allow myself to say "It's okay to let go and give up."
I'm just tired. It's not worth the wonder and confusion anymore. To watch someone treat me completely different from what I'm used to is insane. I feel like if I'm going to try and take things in life less seriously, this is a major step. It'll work itself out eventually.
I'm going to step back, concentrate on other things and do what I'm supposed to be doing. And I feel fine about it!

I'm a Dreamer in My Dreams

I sit here, watching GhostRider with my brother (this movie is the worst), and I wonder why I can't live in my dreams instead of here.

Things don't always go well in dreams, but at least a world of things can alter in a split second in a dream. In the real world, you have to wait for things to happen, or make them happen and suffer through the pain, heartache, etc until you get the that place. A specific characteristic of dreams that I find interesting in myself is that if I become aware that it is a dream, and try to extend it or make it last longer or control the events within it, I inevitably wake up. Without fail. Just another product of the destruction my desire to control creates. I always dream about people that are in my life currently; they make comments and say things that relate to what I might hear them say in reality, but the location is always set in the town I spent my childhood in. It weirds me out to dream this way because I can still see the streets, people, and places, and they seem so real I wake up unsure if the dream actually happened or not. I moved away from that town almost 8 years ago-- I was just a child. This seems significant because, I don't remember actual events or things I really experienced in this town as a child. My mom will start in with her "oh you remember that time.." conversation and usually I nod and smile, but I honestly don't remember most of what she says. Okay, who cares I was a child right? My brother remembers things like this, why don't I? I know I hated living in that place, and relished in the chance to move. I've never looked back until college, when I began meeting the people I grew up with in school. Buuut I digress. Point is-- I'll be having oral surgery this weekend and hope and pray that the medication will take me to that dream world for a while without my foolish interference.



Today my friend G (the one with the Lincoln etching), she informed me that sugar ants were in her keyboard. In my laptop this morning, there were also sugar ants crawling around in my keyboard. The coincidence made us laugh. I don't want to forget how the stupid little things made us feel closer even though we're living far away. Someday, we'll be old women that can laugh and do the same idiot shit we've done today--only we'll know how to handle the after