Falling Hard

A lot of my college and high school friends have begun the typical post-college "let's all get married" summer. I know I don't have any desire to get married in any near future, but after countless weddings and showers and drunken receptions-- I feel...conflicted.

Ideally I want to build up my career, settle in my own place, and be by myself completely before I meet the person I want to marry. Even if I were to meet this person tomorrow, I'd want to wait for stability.

But then I was thinking-- I've been in relationships, good and bad, and never once even wanted to be with any of them long enough to consider marriage. People I know met their significant other in high school or college and are so sure marriage is the next and only step that they don't even have to verbalize it--you can read it in their faces.

I've never felt that at all for someone. Are we as single women with a college degree heading out into the working world supposed to believe that there is something wrong with us if we don't have a "ring by spring"?

Even the person I'm dating now-- we barely know each other and have dated for a little bit.

A lot of people say, if you don't meet someone in college, chances of meeting someone afterward get slimmer by the year. So I find myself thinking-- What if this is as good as it's going to get?





Today I am a little girl again. Do I only think I know myself and what I want?

Or is it me trying to harden to the idea of what many might see as failure?