King David, King James...

King Leonidas better be next.

I find myself at a standstill.
I am doing my best to move on, I'm dating at least. Bottom line, my heart is still in Lubbock as I droll on in Dallas. I'm not sad about it or anything-- I say it matter of factly. I find myself purposely grafitfying the flaws of those I date so I end up hating them. Although, this last one wasn't very good anyway. I have a knack for dating creeps. They don't start out that way! They turn out to be so over time. Saying I wish I were still in school is an understatement.

I've been trying to find a side job while I continue on with my internship at this ad agency, hoping and praying all the while that I will get a job here soon. I've applied several places, there is one I'd really like-- a photography assistant for the weekends for weddings and other events. It sounds GREAT.

I'm also trying to sell some stuff on eBay, anything to make a little bit more money.

Although I don't get paid for my internship, it sure has its perks. Tomorrow I'm going to see a screening of Extract, the new Jason Bateman movie. It's written and directed by Mike Judge, whose work I usually enjoy.


And in 2 weeks, I am going to see Incubus in concert!!!!!1 Out of my top 5 favorite bands, I only need to see one more after this-- and that's Coldplay. YES. YES.

So beside being broke, life is all around good.

I leave you with my all-time favorite commercial:

Falling Hard

A lot of my college and high school friends have begun the typical post-college "let's all get married" summer. I know I don't have any desire to get married in any near future, but after countless weddings and showers and drunken receptions-- I feel...conflicted.

Ideally I want to build up my career, settle in my own place, and be by myself completely before I meet the person I want to marry. Even if I were to meet this person tomorrow, I'd want to wait for stability.

But then I was thinking-- I've been in relationships, good and bad, and never once even wanted to be with any of them long enough to consider marriage. People I know met their significant other in high school or college and are so sure marriage is the next and only step that they don't even have to verbalize it--you can read it in their faces.

I've never felt that at all for someone. Are we as single women with a college degree heading out into the working world supposed to believe that there is something wrong with us if we don't have a "ring by spring"?

Even the person I'm dating now-- we barely know each other and have dated for a little bit.

A lot of people say, if you don't meet someone in college, chances of meeting someone afterward get slimmer by the year. So I find myself thinking-- What if this is as good as it's going to get?





Today I am a little girl again. Do I only think I know myself and what I want?

Or is it me trying to harden to the idea of what many might see as failure?

Relax.

I realized I was doing so well about posting and then I turned around and almost a month has passed since my last post! Ridiculous! Spring break and midterms haven't helped any, but I've finally found a few minutes to sit down and get something out.

This week is my Spring Break. B and I went to ATx for the week and drove to the DFw yesterday. I can honestly say that I enjoyed my trip. Austin was great, SXSW was in full swing and I had my fair share of the hippies. (I'm not rude; my best girl friends from high school are what most would call hippies, although they deny it.)

The best thing about road trips-- all of the inside jokes you make with the person/persons you travel with. I don't want to forget the things we made up:

-Social Dresses. This became our term for any and every girl in and around Austin wearing a dress that cut well above their knees, and usually well below the neck. The dress more often than not was made of cotton in funky colors and prints. The sluttier the dress the more "social" it was. 

-Hunting and eating horses. Funny and I have no idea why. We just talked about hunting some down and consuming them. 

- "We need more lemon pledge" This is from a Family Guy episode-- talking in this voice throughout the trip was mandatory. We were staying in a Red Roof Inn (which has become some sort of tradition apparently) and the woman cleaning our rooms talked this way. Yes, we might go to hell. 

- Any and every reference to UT losing to Tech this past football season

- Weirdies vs. Normies. It's a battle for the city, the capital, the world. These were how we classified the excessive amount of people congregating in Austin. You were either a weirdie or a normie depending on appearance, attitude and accessories. 

I know there were more but I'll have to edit and update this entry later. 

It is going to be very tragic for me when I have to leave this man. I know he cares for me and I know we'll still be in touch, but I am terrified of how horrible it will feel when I move away. He could care less about it, I know that. 

Something else vacation makes me realize-- I don't mind being away from technology and media. The two things that mean most to my career?!?! I didn't have television, movies, Internet, news, advertising, Facebook, email, text messaging or anything for a whole week and I absolutely loved it. We were outside, walking around, breathing wonderfully fresh air, exploring. We were able to talk, and lay around and joke, and be completely lazy in general. This scares me a little, and then I think maybe that's what a vacation is, getting away from EVERYTHING. Even though I love media and technology. The downside is being WAY behind when you return to reality. 

Paint The Silence

No I'm not dead! Just been too busy to blog lately. SO much to update.

It's Christmas time again, and I've stayed at the apartment and worked here in town instead of going home. I am loving it.

I got a new job at a restaurant, and it's great waiting tables. A lot of people hate it, but I really don't mind it at all. It's muuuuuch better than my job in retail before this. This job is laid back, and all of the other employees are easily made into friends.

My puppy Bailey has gotten so big!


As far as guys, I find myself stuck as usual. In the same place in which I'm always stuck. For a while I tried to just going out with guy friends and chilling, drinking, whatever. Every single time I did this, with my mind set that we were just friends, all of these guys would make a move or express feelings for me! In effect, I would drop them and avoid their phone calls and texts until they gave up. I just didn't know what else to do. I'm just not interested in them, and I shouldn't have to settle. Things will turn out how they should. I hope. My heart depends on it more than ever.

They shut down the University radio station I was working for!!! The school said it was budget issues. This was the only station that catered to the indie audience. Everyone is working to get it back. I sure would love to continue my stint DJing.

I hope everyone has a lovely Christmas, I hope to update this more often.

Crawling

So, this Fall semester has been a doozy so far.

I don't even know how else to describe it.

I've been on a ton of dates and been asked for my number more times than I'd like etc.

I had a sort of creepy guy that was into me and was convinced we were together, regardless of my desperate attempts to explain to him otherwise. Consequently I had a ton of people ask me if there was anything between us. OK WTF. High school much? Then there was another guy that I really liked going out with, and the creep saw us together somewhere and apparently cornered him told him to back off. So he hasn't called me in a week now. LAME. So I finally had to lay down the law and tell the former guy what was up, even if it was brutal. I want to be nice and make friends, but shit.

My brother has always been a dater. He dates 4 or 5 girls at a time and has them chasing after him and fighting over who likes him more. Not me. Having strangers buy me drinks and guys beg me to hang out is a new experience to say the least.


Went and saw the Toadies in concert last week. Not as good as I was expecting. It was simply a performance, as if they couldn't bother putting on a real show. They did play my favorite song though, so I'm fine.

Between A Rock and A Hard Place

I hate to drone on and on in this thing about the pathetic pondering that dominates my mind these days. It makes me seem depressed. I don't think I'm depressed...maybe I am.

My dad always used to say my mom was never happy where she was at. She lived one place and wished she was in another. But when they moved to that other place, she was just as unhappy to be there, if not more.

What if it's not that one just can't be happy where they are, but simply that where they are is just not where they want to be? It's getting away from what they really hate and settling for something they can just barely tolerate. It's just the only viable alternative because of any amount of factors--age, where you are in life, money, anything.

And maybe it isn't the place, but the people and the things we surround ourselves with.

As friends, the four of us always found a way to have fun, even when we were underage in a city where everything "fun" required a certain age. We could make a good time of a night driving around blaring an ipod. They're all going to party it up in the capital this weekend and I wish I could drive there and meet them.

this ends abruptly but I had to leave suddenly while typing it, then I lost the feeling for this entry. NEXT!

If You Don't Stop and Take a Look Around Once In a While, You Might Miss It.

It's been a bit since I've updated. It's been a bit busy.

I find myself in a place I haven't been in a long while. One of those, can't stop smiling moods.

A few days ago, B asked me with him. He's easily the most gentle, kind, and attentive person I've ever been with.

So this weekend was really great.

Wednesday night was B's 21st birthday, so we went to Chimmy's, a bar that everyone that isn't of age can't wait to go to. We had a few margaritas and a good time.

Thursday night a few of us went and played tennis and Ultimate Frisbee with some friends of my old roommates. That was really a lot of fun. It felt so good to be exhausted from so much physical activity.

Friday night I watched Enchanted with my roommates and their friend J came into town and stayed the weekend. Later that night B came over and spent the night. I had a lot of trouble going to sleep. There is something about having someone sleep in the same bed as you when you haven't for a long time that takes getting used to. It'll There were points when I just wanted to roll over and sleep on my side of the bed without being touched. What an idiotic feeling. And just when I get to a point where I'm not in that shitty 'half sleep' anymore

Saturday after we woke up we went to lunch and went back to his place and played Rock Band for far too long. Afterward B took me to see 21--good movie! Then he took me to dinner and later that night we got dressed and went to a bar that was having a Jazz jam session. The Duke Ellington Band had a concert last night, and had an open jam session afterward at this place. It was cute and romantic and I loved it. The music was phenomenal. It was the kind of atmosphere where you can completely relax next to someone and enjoy the music. We got there late so we only got to listen for about an hour, but it was worth it. When he reaches for my hand and squeezes it lightly, my heart jumps. We went home after that and I stayed as his place. Same sleeping problem, but it's OK.

Woke up today around 1 or so, and went home. I have a lot of work to do this week that I've been neglecting. It's gonna be a rough one, but something tells me I won't mind.

I love the beginning of relationships. There's an innocence and a passion in it that you don't get from anything else in the world.