Paint The Silence

No I'm not dead! Just been too busy to blog lately. SO much to update.

It's Christmas time again, and I've stayed at the apartment and worked here in town instead of going home. I am loving it.

I got a new job at a restaurant, and it's great waiting tables. A lot of people hate it, but I really don't mind it at all. It's muuuuuch better than my job in retail before this. This job is laid back, and all of the other employees are easily made into friends.

My puppy Bailey has gotten so big!


As far as guys, I find myself stuck as usual. In the same place in which I'm always stuck. For a while I tried to just going out with guy friends and chilling, drinking, whatever. Every single time I did this, with my mind set that we were just friends, all of these guys would make a move or express feelings for me! In effect, I would drop them and avoid their phone calls and texts until they gave up. I just didn't know what else to do. I'm just not interested in them, and I shouldn't have to settle. Things will turn out how they should. I hope. My heart depends on it more than ever.

They shut down the University radio station I was working for!!! The school said it was budget issues. This was the only station that catered to the indie audience. Everyone is working to get it back. I sure would love to continue my stint DJing.

I hope everyone has a lovely Christmas, I hope to update this more often.

WRECKED

God. I haven't posted in an entire month. October was the craziest month ever.

I had a semi psychotic stalker who wanted so desperately to date me and be with me. I kind of freaked out.

I go out about three times as much as I used to! Haha. I toned it down a lot last year.

I lost my job at RRO, for reasons that I stand by and would completely do again. I was going to quit that next week anyway!

I got two photography jobs now that don't pay, but that's alright. Resume baby.

This weekend was not only an election weekend, Halloween weekend, but it was THE GREATEST GAME I'VE EVER BEEN TO.

Tech beat UT. THE NUMBER ONE TEAM IN THE BCS AND AP POLLS. FUCK YEAH.
I rushed the field all three times!

Crawling

So, this Fall semester has been a doozy so far.

I don't even know how else to describe it.

I've been on a ton of dates and been asked for my number more times than I'd like etc.

I had a sort of creepy guy that was into me and was convinced we were together, regardless of my desperate attempts to explain to him otherwise. Consequently I had a ton of people ask me if there was anything between us. OK WTF. High school much? Then there was another guy that I really liked going out with, and the creep saw us together somewhere and apparently cornered him told him to back off. So he hasn't called me in a week now. LAME. So I finally had to lay down the law and tell the former guy what was up, even if it was brutal. I want to be nice and make friends, but shit.

My brother has always been a dater. He dates 4 or 5 girls at a time and has them chasing after him and fighting over who likes him more. Not me. Having strangers buy me drinks and guys beg me to hang out is a new experience to say the least.


Went and saw the Toadies in concert last week. Not as good as I was expecting. It was simply a performance, as if they couldn't bother putting on a real show. They did play my favorite song though, so I'm fine.

Get ready for a wild post about my recent happenings.

Gut Instincts

How man people have succeeded upon trusting their guts?

Has history been made, have fortunes been acquired, has love been found, heartache been avoided all because someone decided to trust his or her instincts?

I haven't had internet IN SO LONG, so I haven't been able to update this thing. And a lifetime of events have happened since my last update. There are things I just can't talk about, and things that I if you asked me a month ago if I thought could happen, I'd have said no.

About a month ago, I decided this year was going to be something productive. Not bullshit like so many things turn out to be. I did this same type of thing in high school too-- the "oh fuck, it's my last year, I better turn some shit around and make some things happen" attitude. I got a job, and made good attempts to be social, and I love that aspect of the job. Then, I did what I've always wanted to do, and I went to the college radio station hiring meeting to see if I could get a DJ-ing job. At first I thought, shoot it couldn't be that difficult right? Then I began to doubt myself, but I thought, "FUCK, a ton of people are going to this meeting, what the hell do I know about DJ-ing?" But I went anyway, for the experience, and the hope of meeting some people I shared interests with. I filled out the application amidst other students, who fairly filled the large lecture hall. I listened to the meeting and made eye contact with people. I thought, "I can do this, I can meet these people, socialize, and leave an impression." So afterward, I stayed behind and talked to all the old station people. Made a few friends even. I figured, even if this didn't help me ensure a DJ position, it sure couldn't hurt. Longer story short, I've got the morning after slot from 7 AM- 10 AM on Mondays DJ-ing. :-D. I went to a show one night, and even met a ton of people at the hiring meeting. Clutch.

I also met a guy. This is the part about trusting your gut. I was immediately into him, not too much, but just that right amount of "hey, this is interesting..." But not too long after, my stomach was telling me that it wasn't a good fit. Nothing that was wrong with him, it just wasn't right for me.

I Wonder

Saw this secret on PostSecret today

"I'm so sure and scared. I'm always going to be that girl who is never enough."

We're all so different, but we're all just the same.

Toot Sweets

I used to have this thing, when I would drink I would socially seclude myself, usually sitting alone outside or locking myself in a room.
It was nothing personal to those I loved, I just get so easily annoyed/bothered by others when I'm drunk and I aim to avoid being unjustifiably angry with people.

But it seems, lately, I don't do that as much anymore. I can't figure out whether it's because everyone I hang out with actually drinks now, or because I'm just in a different personal and emotional state at present.

Instead, I've gotten to be increasingly affectionate when I've been drinking.

When I first got back home I was feeling extremely confident about myself. When I'm in the DFW I get hit on in bars, I go on dates, I actually get complimented on my style and the way I hold myself. So coming back to school, I was filled with the air and readiness to go out and meet someone. And I did, for a while. But then I realized, I'm back here, in this stupid fucking town where no one hits on you, the only way you meet people is is if you're in a frat or sorority, and there are so many girls to choose from that most girls actually end up getting screwed over.

I realize, I hate going home because of the restrictions there with my family, but I love going home because I feel so comfortable in my own skin, I can do anything! I can't figure out why I let myself feel so degraded and worthless in this setting at school.

Anyway. Whatever.

The weird story I was going to get down in here? I went to the gay bar with C about a month ago and had way too many drinks and ended up meeting some guy that I went to elementary school who bought me shots. We ended up dancing for like 45 minutes and THEN making out. He told me he was 'bi' but I'm sorry I don't believe that shit. gay. I was SO drunk, C had to actually tell me the next day that I did this. How embarrassing/stupid of me. Never saw that guy again, but damn. Almost as retarded as I was in Vegas. I must have really needed a night out.

Living in the new apt has been fun so far, even though we have little to no time to decorate/get it all set up.