We Think You're A Dope, Shove Your Hope Where it Don't Shine.

I've been looking for some new music, everything seems to bore me. Today I found a girl called Santogold, and I really like what I've heard so far. People accuse her of being a lot like M.I.A., but it's deeper than M.I.A., much more New York. She's underground but she's really been getting attention lately.

I also bought tickets to see Jimmy Eat World in April. I am dying. I could not believe my eyes when the tour schedule had them set to come here. They are in fact, my all-time, die hard favorite band. I haven't seen them since 2003. And they only opened for like...Green Day or some bull shit. Ah yes, it was the Pop Disaster tour. A friend of ours got us tickets on the lawn but we ended up at the front in the pit. As much as I loathe what Green Day has become, they sure can put on a show. I think Blink 182 played too, but they were downright awful. I was all for Jimmy. I suuuuure would love to get them to sign all my stuff, making me the very best product of our consumer society. Their new album, Chase This Light came out this year, I recommend it. My favorite song is one called 23 which is my favorite number. I always like to think of it as 'the day after'. B always talks about what a depressing band they are, and I strongly disagree. I've grown with this band pumping into my ears. Their album Futures was an emotional one, but not depressing. They have this distinctive sound that I can't find anywhere else. It's not whiny and it's eclectic.

I took some 'me' time this weekend. Some serious me time. It had actually been a while for me; I was taking a break. But then I let the stress really get to me, and the release was phenomenal. There also comes a point when you've just spent way too much time with someone. If I had had a choice I would have chilled with my girls, but being across the state makes that impossible. I just needed some time alone, and I spent a lot of time driving around taking pictures, perusing the net for new music, reading, and just laying around. I didn't see my roommates or anything. I hung out with C on Sunday and went to the bar with A. On Saturday night I got a seriously drunk, etc. When I laid down that night, so many thoughts were rushing through my head all at once, I seriously thought my head was going to pop. Sometimes I girl just needs to shop and laugh with her friend. There were also a fair amount of hours spent playing with photoshop. There were some good moments of clarity, and I wish I had come here and gotten more of them down, but I was lazy.

But alas, not enough clarity was attained maybe? (maybe I should spend some more quality time "thinking" alone?) br />
Today as I was doing the crossword, a daily ritual, I was wondering who in the hell has time to create crossword puzzles? And is it someone's dream? Did they wake up one day and say, "I am the laziest person alive but I've got unstoppable logic and a way with puzzles and words, I think I'll live out my life creating crossword puzzles!" I'd like to tell Michael T. Williams, today's crossword creator, thanks. You make classes like Research Methods bearable.

Here, a picture I took this weekend, and an old one of the girls.

Welcome to West Texas

Chicago, Navy Pier, Bubba Gump Shrimp Co., bathroom, I wonder what people thought.

In the back of a Chicago police car, best experience ever! hahaa

Softly and Tenderly

My great grandmother died yesterday. I have to fly out tomorrow. It was weird because, all week I've been having this feeling that I needed to go home this weekend.

Here is a portrait I took of her at Christmas.

The Only Thing Constant Was The Constant Reminder She'd Never Change

When I was little, my parents used to make me go play outside on the weekends quite often. Sometimes I may have gone of my own choosing, I can't remember.

Either way, I spent an awful lot of time outside. When you are confined to a dirty, poor neighborhood and can't leave the vicinity of about 3 blocks or so, you make up your own fun.

I knew my street and the ones directly behind and in front of it, and maybe half a mile to the left and right like the back of my hand. I used to pretend that I was exploring and being pursued by some terrible villains and I had to hide in secret places to keep them from finding me. The whole deal. On these journeys I used to collect all kinds of junk. Rocks, broken glass, pieces of old toys, Christmas light bulbs, Shiny metal, buttons, all sorts of shit. I used to take them home and tell my mom they were my treasures. I'm pretty sure she thought it was the grossest thing, me finding and bringing home junk from the allies and keeping it in my room.

So soon after that my I began collecting rocks in a more hobby type of way. I'm sure this was highly encouraged by my parents. I couldn't have been more than 7 or 8 years old. I had pieces of every type of rock imaginable, polished and natural. I had little cases to separate each one and bags to hold them in if I wanted to carry them somewhere.

I used to get together with my best friend Cody, and he and I would compare rocks and play games in his tree house. As a girl, I loathed being friends with girls. I had loved Barbies and playing with hair like a girl should, but I also had a smart mouth, loved sports, art, bugs, animals and boys. The other girls I knew found my sarcasm off-putting (even as a child!) and the idea of me running through a field chasing horned frogs with the boys was even worse. In reality, I only disliked girls at school, because they were catty and prissy, and there had only been boys in my neighborhood and church before. While all the girls slumber parties talking about how much they hated boys, I played with the neighborhood boys and had real fun.

The thing is, once I started actually loving boys, I was still just their best friend. This was a trend that would continue up through high school, only girls didn't like me because I had a close relationship with the boys they dated. With more than a few guys, our friendships ended because they had been given an ultimatum, end the friendship with me or lose her. The funny thing is, each time their relationship would end, the boy would come back and we'd be friends again.

I realize that I was, and always have been, just the next best thing. I'm the one they tell all their hopes, dreams and desires to, I'm a girl they can actually have fun with, and so much more. But I am just a stand-in. An emotional and sometimes physical outlet for them until they find their next girlfriend. And the thing is, with most of them, I end up having feelings for them in some capacity. I stuck with my friend D more than once. He'd break up with one and it would be me that he'd call every single night, my shoulder that he'd cry on, and me he'd go out with. But he began dating a new girl, and I was finished. I thought, I can't handle this anymore. And I haven't gone back.<
As far as collecting junk goes, I would say I have transferred that passion into when I go out and take photographs of random places, things and people that I find beautiful. I can have all of those "treasures" but in a better way. This past weekend I went photo-walking with some friends in a sketchy neighborhood, and it felt just like I was in my first neighborhood again, observing and exploring everything I saw. Here are a few shots from that day: