If You Don't Stop and Take a Look Around Once In a While, You Might Miss It.

It's been a bit since I've updated. It's been a bit busy.

I find myself in a place I haven't been in a long while. One of those, can't stop smiling moods.

A few days ago, B asked me with him. He's easily the most gentle, kind, and attentive person I've ever been with.

So this weekend was really great.

Wednesday night was B's 21st birthday, so we went to Chimmy's, a bar that everyone that isn't of age can't wait to go to. We had a few margaritas and a good time.

Thursday night a few of us went and played tennis and Ultimate Frisbee with some friends of my old roommates. That was really a lot of fun. It felt so good to be exhausted from so much physical activity.

Friday night I watched Enchanted with my roommates and their friend J came into town and stayed the weekend. Later that night B came over and spent the night. I had a lot of trouble going to sleep. There is something about having someone sleep in the same bed as you when you haven't for a long time that takes getting used to. It'll There were points when I just wanted to roll over and sleep on my side of the bed without being touched. What an idiotic feeling. And just when I get to a point where I'm not in that shitty 'half sleep' anymore

Saturday after we woke up we went to lunch and went back to his place and played Rock Band for far too long. Afterward B took me to see 21--good movie! Then he took me to dinner and later that night we got dressed and went to a bar that was having a Jazz jam session. The Duke Ellington Band had a concert last night, and had an open jam session afterward at this place. It was cute and romantic and I loved it. The music was phenomenal. It was the kind of atmosphere where you can completely relax next to someone and enjoy the music. We got there late so we only got to listen for about an hour, but it was worth it. When he reaches for my hand and squeezes it lightly, my heart jumps. We went home after that and I stayed as his place. Same sleeping problem, but it's OK.

Woke up today around 1 or so, and went home. I have a lot of work to do this week that I've been neglecting. It's gonna be a rough one, but something tells me I won't mind.

I love the beginning of relationships. There's an innocence and a passion in it that you don't get from anything else in the world.

How Dare You Say It's Nothing to Me

Sometimes, I find myself making serious character judgments about the way people dress, the car they drive, or what they carry around with them. I know everyone does it, it's humanity's way of categorizing and weeding out what they don't want from life. But how often are we passing something really worth our while up?

I stood on my porch last night, looking at cars parked in the complex. I focused on one, an old model Isuzu trooper. It had a deer horn on it, and a huge dent in the front end. I could help but think, they probably hit a deer, and now they have this deer horn. Living here, it's not an invalid thought. I assume from the little pink bag of air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror that this car belongs to a girl, probably a flighty one at that. I swear, not two minutes after thinking that, a large, thuggish looking man walks toward the car, gets in it and drives away. Ha, talk about misjudged.

Then I wonder how often people misjudge me. Some of my girlfriends and I are playing on a co-ed softball team this semester. There is this one boy-- I constantly get the feeling he thinks I'm inept because I'm a girl. I was playing right center, which, what a boring position anyway. When a left handed batter stepped up to the plate, this boy actually had me switch him spots. I was a little insulted but shrugged it off as his own need to display his domination over me as a male. Come on man, I actually know the rules and have hand eye coordination! GO FIGURE. Yes he's misjudging me, but am I too making an error by assuming he just thinks girls aren't athletic?
It comes down to a few simple questions. What do I hope people see in me? and What do they really see when they look at me?

I hope they see a girl who envisions the world in a different way than most. Someone who can find something to love or hate in anything she chooses. I like being girly, but I love the idea of playing sports and getting a gruesome injury that looks REALLY cool. I wear what I want, which is a mixed classic style. But that doesn't mean I'm not wild. I drive a yellow VW beetle. I always think that it's a direct reflection of my personality-- bright and a little vintage and odd. Inevitably though, I'll bet people see it as a snotty reflection of a spoiled daddy's girl. How funny.

so I'll focus on seeing past the outside of people this week I think.

On another note. I'm one of the laziest people I've ever met. In my honors class today the prof asked us to write down a 'To Do' list of things we needed to get done before the week ended. Last week was my tough week, so this week it's smooth sailing. I had few things to write on my list, but I look around me and all of the 'MISFITS' (honors kids) are feverishly jotting down things, making full page 'To Do' lists. Sometimes people just need to chill out. After that, the prof had us write down a 'To Be' list for the week, of things we needed in order to 'Be'. I realized, most of what I do, I do to be. If it's not required, and sometimes if it is required, it's the last damn thing on my 'to do' list. I just don't feel like homework and school activities make me who I am. For instance, Sunday night, I should have gone to bed in preparation for a school day Monday, but instead went to the observatory with C, we listened to music and star gazed. I didn't go to bed until 6 A.M. and really felt good. That made a huge difference to me in my emotional and psychological life, but I skipped class all day yesterday. I feel completely satisfied in that choice. It turns out the professor's point was-- being a leader and a good communicator isn't about what you do, it's about who you are.

Choosing Civility

I am taking an Honors class called Communication, Civility, and Leadership.

The class is discussion based and we sit around talking about real life situations. It's taught by a dean in the Human Sciences building who used to travel around the nation teaching seminars on this subject. At the end of every class we do some sort of exercise, meant to tune us into the world around us. Once our assignment was to simply people watching for about an hour in the Student Union, and write down our observations. I love this class.
Among other activities we've also had to make eye contact with everyone we can as we walk across campus, pay attention to the small things, and practice the art of giving and receiving compliments.

I can't believe this is an Honors class. It's everything one could ever hope for in a class. It reminds me of Theory of Knowledge.

Our out of class reading right now is a book called Choosing Civility by J.M. Forni. It talks about how we act as a society, as a globe, and how we interact. It discusses civility and the different ways we exhibit it. There are so many social rules and cues that we go through on a day to day basis. One part I particularly enjoy-- the discussion of how we as a technology driven society have lost the ability to communicate well. I've talked about this in previous posts. We use E-mail, instant messaging and text messaging as a smoke screen to keep from getting too emotional about anything. We walk down the street and look at the ground as we pass another person. The book discusses 25 different "rules" of civility, that we should all work into our daily lives. Most of these things are things we've all been raised with-- table etiquette, the golden rule, the value of listening, etc.

I've just stayed up all night writing a paper concerning my opinion on a rule of my choice. I chose one that many people overlook-- Respect Even a Subtle "No". The book discusses how often we choose to ignore people's signals of negativity and question them brutally for a reason when they decline an invitation or don't want us around. I talked about how we ignore the signals because a "no" gives us a sense of whole rejection. Rejection of who we are as people. But by selfishly satisfying our own needs we negate others and belittle them. The author suggests that by simply accepting "No" without qualms can be one of the most civil things we as humans can do. It not only shows strength and respect on our part but it gives the receiver a sense of existence, they feel like their needs are being met. I made personal references to myself interacting with my friends and family. I sometimes get so caught up in the idea the the people I love share my interests and needs exactly, that the incivility runs rampant.

As far as the class goes for me, I feel like I'm different in public. I see SO many more people I know during the day and take the time to sit down and talk to them and ask them how things are going. I've met tons of new people these past few weeks, just by being kind and listening. Sometimes that's all you need to make someone's day, and yours. It's a pretty badass notion, because it's so easy! But you have to think about it first. I think as children, we had all of the manners hammered into our heads and were reprimanded if we didn't adhere to them. But as we grow older, we have no one but ourselves to keep us in line, and we get caught up and throw all caution to the wind.

And my prof says I smile more. haha :D