Get'cha Head in the Game

As I live and breathe! Sometimes I want to jump in.




At work right now-- filling in at the front desk. I am Pam.


My mother's boss brought in her 7 year old grandaughter today-- who just happens to be my mother's brother's daughter, or my cousin. She is sitting next to me, ipod buds in her ears, singing along to The High School musical soundtrack. Love it. I also like the idea that maybe she'll like music just as much as I do.


Today has been quite an adventure already today. My position at work is basically this: do anything and everything that is asked of my and get paid for it, which today means going out to Janice's car and retrieving her phone from the depths of the seat. IT WAS SO DIFFICULT. not. even. kidding. It was in a hole. a hole that if you wanted to stick the cell phone in it on purpose, there is no way in hell you could do it. But if it is dropped- RIGHT INTO THE HOLE. There is now little to no skin on the knuckles of my right hand, but I totally saved the phone! whoo.


Also- the storm of the century is in progress right outside this office building. Correction: just ended.


I would like more than anything to leave right this very second and go home to my bed.



*last night we watched a Law and Order:Criminal Intent that highlighted the murder of a secretly gay fireman. Some people had a lot of jokes and insults to contribute, and I had to get up and leave. Things really change when you find out 2 of your best friends are gay... things like that usually just aren't funny to me anymore. I used to laugh because it was simply funny. I am struggling quite a bit with my religion and the conflicts that come with that. I just don't understand how some people that share my faith can hate a particular group of people so much. God loves everyone. Regardless of whether or not I believe something is right- I have no place to hurt someone because of the way they are. It would be like not associating with anyone that lies. Ridiculous. It all confuses me and really makes me a 'Doubting Thomas' of sorts.





If you don't own Doubting Thomas by Nickel Creek get it.

Sometimes I wonder why I keep on truckin'. Or why they insist you do so.

Gettysburg

Sometimes I wish that I had a chip implanted deep in my ear that was playing music at all times- music that fit my mood.

I used to hate being called the good, sweet innocent girl that I so easily personified in the past. So I sought to change that image; not necessarily for anyone else but myself. I wanted to see if it was all worth it to constantly do the right thing and say the right words.

And now, more than anything-- I want to be good again. I like where I am headed. A friend and I have discussed on several occasions the idea of what 'good' is in a society like ours, in an atmosphere like a college campus. You can pretty much do anything once and not lose your identity from the ages 18-25 in my opinion. On the whole I am a very nice girl who is just coming into her own morals and beliefs and loving that journey. I went from being extremely righteous, to something horrible and vicious and now I've found a happy medium.

Maybe less of a medium-- more like a pleasing comedy with a little twist of danger and action.

I want people to meet me and know that I am the kind of girl that is pretty easy going, but won't take any crap from haters. haha.

Tomorrow is another work day. Another day to be cordial and some-what business like.

And this weekend I get the fabulous pleasure of attending Defensive Driving. Whoo.

On a Rainy Monday

What happens when your typical routine no longer fits the kind of person you've become?

being home from college for the second and last summer, I realize that I am a much different person than I was in high school. I sit around with my friends--the ones I've known since Sophomore year; doing the same old thing we used to do isn't really the same old thing.

Sure it's fun and entertaining enough, but at the same time I can't enjoy myself because something in the back of my mind is bored and detests the idea of settling.

Half of me thinks I'll continue to do these things simply because I know these girls and I truly are still friends and we just don't have enough time together to know anything else than who we were in high school. I don't want to lose that. Yet, if I were to refrain from the actions that have stopped satisfying me, I know they wouldn't mind.

I guess it's natural to get to a point where you feel like only a few people know and love the real you. But when do the identities of those few people become solid and undisputed?

I wish I knew what song it was that says:

lose one friend steal another

Here's to letting it all out.

So in middle school we all had expages, and in high school we had livejournals. I just thought maybe life was getting a little too cluttered; I am having trouble remembering things I've done and enjoyed with the people I love. You know that idea that we always make the same mistakes in life over and over? Some people say writing thoughts down in things like this really helps--I don't think I believe it but I need a way to keep from losing my mind or letting facebook consume it..whatever. I think I kept a journal in high school as a way of being social, and now I feel like I'll settle with keeping it because I've lost trust in many of the people that I usually talk to, and maybe that is a good thing-- the idea of people I don't even know seeing what's up is almost better. And those that do, well maybe the way I feel about certain things will be clearer here than I could ever express orally.