Saw this secret on PostSecret today
"I'm so sure and scared. I'm always going to be that girl who is never enough."
We're all so different, but we're all just the same.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Toot Sweets
I used to have this thing, when I would drink I would socially seclude myself, usually sitting alone outside or locking myself in a room.
It was nothing personal to those I loved, I just get so easily annoyed/bothered by others when I'm drunk and I aim to avoid being unjustifiably angry with people.
But it seems, lately, I don't do that as much anymore. I can't figure out whether it's because everyone I hang out with actually drinks now, or because I'm just in a different personal and emotional state at present.
Instead, I've gotten to be increasingly affectionate when I've been drinking.
When I first got back home I was feeling extremely confident about myself. When I'm in the DFW I get hit on in bars, I go on dates, I actually get complimented on my style and the way I hold myself. So coming back to school, I was filled with the air and readiness to go out and meet someone. And I did, for a while. But then I realized, I'm back here, in this stupid fucking town where no one hits on you, the only way you meet people is is if you're in a frat or sorority, and there are so many girls to choose from that most girls actually end up getting screwed over.
I realize, I hate going home because of the restrictions there with my family, but I love going home because I feel so comfortable in my own skin, I can do anything! I can't figure out why I let myself feel so degraded and worthless in this setting at school.
Anyway. Whatever.
The weird story I was going to get down in here? I went to the gay bar with C about a month ago and had way too many drinks and ended up meeting some guy that I went to elementary school who bought me shots. We ended up dancing for like 45 minutes and THEN making out. He told me he was 'bi' but I'm sorry I don't believe that shit. gay. I was SO drunk, C had to actually tell me the next day that I did this. How embarrassing/stupid of me. Never saw that guy again, but damn. Almost as retarded as I was in Vegas. I must have really needed a night out.
Living in the new apt has been fun so far, even though we have little to no time to decorate/get it all set up.
It was nothing personal to those I loved, I just get so easily annoyed/bothered by others when I'm drunk and I aim to avoid being unjustifiably angry with people.
But it seems, lately, I don't do that as much anymore. I can't figure out whether it's because everyone I hang out with actually drinks now, or because I'm just in a different personal and emotional state at present.
Instead, I've gotten to be increasingly affectionate when I've been drinking.
When I first got back home I was feeling extremely confident about myself. When I'm in the DFW I get hit on in bars, I go on dates, I actually get complimented on my style and the way I hold myself. So coming back to school, I was filled with the air and readiness to go out and meet someone. And I did, for a while. But then I realized, I'm back here, in this stupid fucking town where no one hits on you, the only way you meet people is is if you're in a frat or sorority, and there are so many girls to choose from that most girls actually end up getting screwed over.
I realize, I hate going home because of the restrictions there with my family, but I love going home because I feel so comfortable in my own skin, I can do anything! I can't figure out why I let myself feel so degraded and worthless in this setting at school.
Anyway. Whatever.
The weird story I was going to get down in here? I went to the gay bar with C about a month ago and had way too many drinks and ended up meeting some guy that I went to elementary school who bought me shots. We ended up dancing for like 45 minutes and THEN making out. He told me he was 'bi' but I'm sorry I don't believe that shit. gay. I was SO drunk, C had to actually tell me the next day that I did this. How embarrassing/stupid of me. Never saw that guy again, but damn. Almost as retarded as I was in Vegas. I must have really needed a night out.
Living in the new apt has been fun so far, even though we have little to no time to decorate/get it all set up.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
With Your Feet On The Ground
So my roomie was out of town this weekend, and I was a teeny bit scared sleeping alone here. At one point I let my stupid brain convince me someone might be in the apartment, and I actually called out and asked "Hello? Anyone there?" What a lame ass. But I excuse myself by saying it was just weird because I was in a new place alone :)
Haven't slept much this week, had class from 8-12 and then work from 12-6 and then slept and homeworked after that, and stayed up all night twice this week. SWEET.
But I really like being busy. Work is really fun so far, even though they work their employees pretty hard. I hope to better my people skills and maybe even make some new friends.
I am getting a dog I think!
Some friends of my parents are trying to get rid of their 2 year-old Yorkshire Terrier because they have twin boys who are rough with the dog. So my parents are going to get it from them. I wanted a puppy, but it'll be so much nicer to have a dog that I won't need to train. I'll try and post a picture soon. If everything works out well, I can go home next weekend and pick it up! eee.
This weekend, my mom and grandmother are coming to help with the apartment. Should be an interesting one.
B and I saw Pineapple Express tonight, it was pretty funny, but not mind blowing. See it or don't.
Haven't slept much this week, had class from 8-12 and then work from 12-6 and then slept and homeworked after that, and stayed up all night twice this week. SWEET.
But I really like being busy. Work is really fun so far, even though they work their employees pretty hard. I hope to better my people skills and maybe even make some new friends.
I am getting a dog I think!
Some friends of my parents are trying to get rid of their 2 year-old Yorkshire Terrier because they have twin boys who are rough with the dog. So my parents are going to get it from them. I wanted a puppy, but it'll be so much nicer to have a dog that I won't need to train. I'll try and post a picture soon. If everything works out well, I can go home next weekend and pick it up! eee.
This weekend, my mom and grandmother are coming to help with the apartment. Should be an interesting one.
B and I saw Pineapple Express tonight, it was pretty funny, but not mind blowing. See it or don't.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Disco Inferno
The air conditioning in our new apartment is out. It's 86 degrees in this 2 bedroom apartment and I am about to die.
I really take for granted all of the wonderful amenities that are afforded to me sometimes!
Earlier this summer, there was a power outage at my office building, things started to go down hill very quickly. The deli downstairs couldn't make ice or produce coke. And the place slowly started to get hotter and hotter. No phones, no internet, no lights, no automatic anything.
I think it would be a bitch to live in a Laura Ingalls style hovel, having huge blocks of ice delivered and constantly being in unbearable heat.
It took me forever to get to sleep last night because I was so fucking hot. Maintenance is coming tomorrow to fix it. OR ELSE.
I've had a quite a few adventures since we moved in and I started work. Butttt more on that later
ooo and for my next update, sometimes I remember random ass crazy things that happen to me and enjoy retelling them long after the fact. So get ready for a good one.
I really take for granted all of the wonderful amenities that are afforded to me sometimes!
Earlier this summer, there was a power outage at my office building, things started to go down hill very quickly. The deli downstairs couldn't make ice or produce coke. And the place slowly started to get hotter and hotter. No phones, no internet, no lights, no automatic anything.
I think it would be a bitch to live in a Laura Ingalls style hovel, having huge blocks of ice delivered and constantly being in unbearable heat.
It took me forever to get to sleep last night because I was so fucking hot. Maintenance is coming tomorrow to fix it. OR ELSE.
I've had a quite a few adventures since we moved in and I started work. Butttt more on that later
ooo and for my next update, sometimes I remember random ass crazy things that happen to me and enjoy retelling them long after the fact. So get ready for a good one.
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