How Dare You Say It's Nothing to Me

Sometimes, I find myself making serious character judgments about the way people dress, the car they drive, or what they carry around with them. I know everyone does it, it's humanity's way of categorizing and weeding out what they don't want from life. But how often are we passing something really worth our while up?

I stood on my porch last night, looking at cars parked in the complex. I focused on one, an old model Isuzu trooper. It had a deer horn on it, and a huge dent in the front end. I could help but think, they probably hit a deer, and now they have this deer horn. Living here, it's not an invalid thought. I assume from the little pink bag of air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror that this car belongs to a girl, probably a flighty one at that. I swear, not two minutes after thinking that, a large, thuggish looking man walks toward the car, gets in it and drives away. Ha, talk about misjudged.

Then I wonder how often people misjudge me. Some of my girlfriends and I are playing on a co-ed softball team this semester. There is this one boy-- I constantly get the feeling he thinks I'm inept because I'm a girl. I was playing right center, which, what a boring position anyway. When a left handed batter stepped up to the plate, this boy actually had me switch him spots. I was a little insulted but shrugged it off as his own need to display his domination over me as a male. Come on man, I actually know the rules and have hand eye coordination! GO FIGURE. Yes he's misjudging me, but am I too making an error by assuming he just thinks girls aren't athletic?
It comes down to a few simple questions. What do I hope people see in me? and What do they really see when they look at me?

I hope they see a girl who envisions the world in a different way than most. Someone who can find something to love or hate in anything she chooses. I like being girly, but I love the idea of playing sports and getting a gruesome injury that looks REALLY cool. I wear what I want, which is a mixed classic style. But that doesn't mean I'm not wild. I drive a yellow VW beetle. I always think that it's a direct reflection of my personality-- bright and a little vintage and odd. Inevitably though, I'll bet people see it as a snotty reflection of a spoiled daddy's girl. How funny.

so I'll focus on seeing past the outside of people this week I think.

On another note. I'm one of the laziest people I've ever met. In my honors class today the prof asked us to write down a 'To Do' list of things we needed to get done before the week ended. Last week was my tough week, so this week it's smooth sailing. I had few things to write on my list, but I look around me and all of the 'MISFITS' (honors kids) are feverishly jotting down things, making full page 'To Do' lists. Sometimes people just need to chill out. After that, the prof had us write down a 'To Be' list for the week, of things we needed in order to 'Be'. I realized, most of what I do, I do to be. If it's not required, and sometimes if it is required, it's the last damn thing on my 'to do' list. I just don't feel like homework and school activities make me who I am. For instance, Sunday night, I should have gone to bed in preparation for a school day Monday, but instead went to the observatory with C, we listened to music and star gazed. I didn't go to bed until 6 A.M. and really felt good. That made a huge difference to me in my emotional and psychological life, but I skipped class all day yesterday. I feel completely satisfied in that choice. It turns out the professor's point was-- being a leader and a good communicator isn't about what you do, it's about who you are.