Me and The Big Empty

I created this blog because I felt like there was no other way to truly express myself fully. Not because I wanted people to read it, but because of the joy I felt getting the way I felt out of me and somewhere else. I was having a really rough time when I created it, sometimes I forget that when I blog about advertising and media... those things are a big part of me, but there's more to me as well.

The Big Empty is a short film on Wolphin #9 starring Selma Blair, it is one of my favorite films in existence. I think one other person knows this. Well until now.



It is based a short story, The Specialist by Alison Smith:

"Alice waited. She thought perhaps what she needed was rest. Perhaps what the ache wanted was to be left alone. So for an entire year she tried to ignore it. She did not see a single doctor. She swam up and down between the ropes. She shelved books. She rode the subway. Closing her eyes, she leaned her head against the plastic seat and waited for her life to change. Every night, she called for take-out from the pay phone on the corner. Every day, she gazed down at the neat lines of bills in the bookstore cash register.

Through it all, the ache zinged and popped. It burned and festered. And the pain of it began to eat away at her. At times, Alice felt certain there must be little left inside her. And that year, the-year-of-not-trying, something cold and hard slipped inside Alice and her heart became like a knife drawer. Sharp and shining, she kept it closed."

It's a love story really. The most interesting kind.

When I was little and in school, I always struggled with the subject of Math. This was because I was so completely consumed with needing to have a "why" explained to me, and a young elementary school teacher could not explain to me WHY math rules are. They used to just tell me, "It just is, don't ask questions and do the work." More plainly, how dare I ask why?! It just is. When I was older I had teachers that could explain to me in depth the exact why of Mathematics, and I excelled in the subject.

I will never understand the how or why of my relationships. I need to know why and how things can be said and done in the sincerest and best way for so long, and in an instant be taken back and called feigned or non-existent. I have never put on about who I am or what my feelings are, so I want to know why. Maybe there will never be a someone that understands enough to explain that to me.

"An intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship. It is a relationship in which the participants know or trust one another very well or are confidants of one another, or a relationship in which there is physical or emotional intimacy.
Intimate relationships play a central role in the overall human experience. Humans have a universal need to belong which is satisfied when intimate relationships are formed. Intimate relationships consist of the people that we are attracted to, whom we like and love, romantic and sexual relationships, and those who we marry and provide emotional and personal support. Intimate relationships provide people with a social network of people that provide strong emotional attachments and fulfill our universal needs of belongingness and the need to be cared for."

That is the definition of an intimate relationship. You're welcome.

"I'm not empty you know, I just have an ache inside me"