Double Vision

My mind is racing, but my body's in the lead



Anyone that doesn't think Foreigner was one of the best bands of the 70s and 80s, I will fight you. There is a short list of bands from the same period that I consider to be chock full of musical greatness: Journey, Boston, Styx, Queen, and Foreigner. Classic rock legends.



Head Games

I tend to touch on the subject of Alzheimer's quite a bit, because developing it is something that runs in my family. It's one of the main reasons I take so many pictures; I want to have some kind of proof that things happened, because I might not remember them. That's a painful thought. wow. I thought I had gotten out of my slump when I got some fantastic lightning shots two months ago, but since then my photographic creativity has slumped back into it's hole. When I take good pictures, and they receive praise or attention, I feel like I have some kind of purpose or skill. I seem to have run into a wall; I really lose that 'sight' when I am busy thinking about a million other problems. Shouldn't it be a release to take the pictures? A way of finding the simplicity and beauty I overlook in my daily routine...it used to be my joy. Hell, it's going to have it's purpose in my profession--I hope. Photographs are my real journal. Right now the pages are empty, boring and white.

Don't Stop Believin'
I've thought about this more than once, and and every so often it'll resurface in my mind and nag me--pretty much like everything else does. I've been in college for several years now, and have found what I believe to be that group people search to fit into. I was one of like 3 of my friends that went to a university that none of my closest friends chose to attend. It was rough being all alone in beginning, but it forced me to go out and meet new people, people that understand me. Yet, I've found that nothing compares to the comfort I feel when I am able to reunite with my older friends. Things just fit there. And a small something always hints that maybe--this college group, everyone aspires to one day find--maybe they are just filler friends for the real ones. That's probably not true. But events keep occurring that make me question the how genuine these people are. I sure hope I'm wrong.

Renegade
I know I'm good at taking the blame of myself, or bringing the right amount of attention to myself if I want it. I've never seen myself as a manipulative person, mainly because I can't take some things that people say to me and ignore them and use them to my advantage. I like to argue, I've never been a very good kiss ass or suck up (especially toward teachers in school), and I don't like games. I always think I have my argument and decisions planned out, having pondered all the possible outcomes and accusations that could come my way. Inevitably the one outcome I didn't think of will rear it's ugly head. Yes, I am a controlling person. I like plans, I like decisions, I like to be the one behind the wheel usually. But that's because I've had enough experience with people to know that if I don't make decisions and plans for myself, then nothing will ever happen. As a result I sometimes look like a bitch, and may get called one. And I guess that's what I mean by watching things dissolve and disappear if I reliquish my control, stand back and let the chips fall where they may--chaos will ensue and I will evaporate. dust in the wind. This is where I realize that I don't trust anyone. I put on this act that I am a girl who'll trust you and let you use her, but I am always looking out for the backstabbers. And if I am betrayed, I do retaliate because it's those people that I take the bulk of my frustration and anger with everything out on. What if I do all of these nice things for people, just to see if they will prove my cynicism right? I am my father's daughter. THEN. There are the times I let my guard down, and hope that this time will be the turn around for me, and I won't end up hating people in general. With my girls, I know I made the right decision with them. The jury is still out for others.

Juke Box Hero
I was thinking of making a list of lyrics from many different songs, choosing the ones that apply to my life currently the most. It might be a bored task, but it will be one thing for sure--and that's time consuming.

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